You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
