I just cut my nipple shaving
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
