Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
