I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
