kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
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