I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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