Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
