Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
