Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
