and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
