I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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