I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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