wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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