I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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