If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
