I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
