WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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