I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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