My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
