He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Randomize
