The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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