Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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