i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
