Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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