Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
