best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
