if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize