you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
