I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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