they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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