This girl is more easily done than said...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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