Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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