There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
