Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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