Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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