HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
