you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
