I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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