I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
