cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
