I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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