But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
