Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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