I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
