you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
