They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
