Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
