i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
