How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
