apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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