Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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