I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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