Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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