I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
