Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
FUCK WHALES
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
