I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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