She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My vagina is officially offended.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize