I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
