Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
