Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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