Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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