dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
