ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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