What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I party with great urgency now.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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