Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
