shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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