I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
