They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
