Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize