i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
