I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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