yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Rumble strips road head = magical
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize