But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
