I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
