I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
