Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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