ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
A+ Viking dick
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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