Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
