You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
