I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
