I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
