Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
