I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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