The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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