I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
