I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize