I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
