we're blogging at a bar
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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