you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
