To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
