I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
