i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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