addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
50% drunk capacity currently
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
