I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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