I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
