was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
