The maid of honor just puked.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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