I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
