I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
