apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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