I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
