Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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