Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
