it wasn't lemon gatorade
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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