doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
